Down the Rabbit Hole of Love
An old friend once told me ~ "you know you're in love when you don't mind being woken up by your girlfriend." Even though I thought it was a silly thing to say at the time, his words stayed with me. It wasn't until I started to have experiences of "awakening" that I realized that my old friend might really have been on to something.
Even though I considered myself a spiritual person, trained as a meditation teacher, steeped in spiritual principles, and with a love for God, my spirituality was still all about "Jai Me." I could explain Cosmic Consciousness, God Consciousness, and Unity Consciousness. I could even open to an experience of them. However, the first time I opened to the consciousness of Pure Love, I was left with empty words. Even when I told others that I loved them, there was a disconnect between the shallowness of the words and the fullness of my experience. Not only that, I was now able to realize how everything in my life was empty of love - simply some kind of "transactional relationship" based upon a false belief about love. It was really quite a shocking awakening. To make it worse, I didn't know who I was now. I was lost in this new experience of Love. My relationship with "my dream of life" was over and I was now living in a foreign, though amazing, reality. Because I had developed a safe relationship with transactional love, integrity in love felt very unsafe. For awhile, I tried to maintain a kind of duality - living in love, but engaging the same old patterns. It just was so out of integrity. True Love was so complete and fulfilling. It put together all the broken pieces of my life. Any time I fell out of integrity with it, I felt the intense pain of falling out of Love and longed to be in right relationship with it.
After awhile, I gave up trying to "go back to sleep" because of the pure joy of being present to Love. As I stayed present to Love, Love took me deeper into Itself. I began to feel love, not only within "Jai Me," but within others, nature, and all of creation. I no longer felt separation or isolation. And, because of a deep feeling of connectedness, I felt safe enough to let my world reform in Love. I found Love begets love.
We all awaken in different ways. For some of us it is easy, and for others it may be difficult and confusing. However, if we speak our truth in Love, allow ourselves to be vulnerable in Love, Love has the power to change our world into a safe and fulfilling environment. Love holds so much charm and grace, that you will never mind being "woken up" by it.